W hen we look at the millennials today, we can notice that they keep on failing at serious relationships. Looking back at the past, our parents claim dating has never been such a disaster. Why? Do they just whine about the younger generation like all adults do? Or is there any truth in their statement? The way we date is different. The Internet and online dating are to blame or thank for it. Indeed, some modern dating trends are harmful to people who seek for serious relationships. Let’s check out the most dangerous of them.
People today stand out with the lack of respect and honesty. The ‘slow fade’ trend is exactly about both of these flaws.
So, you’re dating with a person for some time and everything is perfect. You have common interests, you have fun a lot, and your sex is perfect. It seems that you’ve found your significant other. So, it is time for your relationships to evolve: to meet parents, to go on vacation together, to hang out with a friend of you both.
When you share these thoughts with partners and they actually are not ready, he or she can behave in two different ways. The first one is an honest talk like, “I’m sorry, this all is too fast for me, let’s wait for a while or slow down.”
The second one is the way of a slow fader. Such people start hiding from you, don’t call you back, don’t answer your messages or do it more seldom until they fade away completely. Such style ruins another side’s self-appraisal. They start thinking there’s something wrong with them, but in fact there’s something wrong with that fader, who is selfish and disrespectful.
Imagine you met and fell for a nice person, but they already date someone else. Or maybe, you had one or two dates sometime, you didn’t make it, but later, in a few month, you found out they are in relationships. Suddenly, this person starts contacting you via social media frequently. They even start flirting with you but don’t go further. Congrats, you’re on a hook!
Such behavior can be explained by their uncertainty about their current relationships. They find a boy or girl to flirt with and this is a “plan B”. They keep you for a case they break up so that they won’t be single for a long time. The worse thing is they don’t think cushioning is a kind of cheating. And there are also two reasons to feel pathetic. At first, you allow them to lord over yourself, when a cushioner may even forget about you. And the second one: you can finally wait for their breakup and date, but there’s no guarantee they won’t do such trick with someone else.
It has something in common with cushioning, however, here’s a big difference between. The benchers are mostly non-committal and don’t want any serious relationships. They keep you on the hook all the time, they text you and feed you with crumbs of their attention, but nothing more. They may not flirt with you and don’t like you for real, but they always give you a reason to think you mean something to them. In fact, you’re just another benchee for a back-up date, and you may not be the only one.
On rare occasions, the benchers can be shy in fact. They can face difficulties when dating or they prefer to build a friendship before being involved in intimate relationships. But you definitely need to detect a destructive behavior of a real bencher and date someone else.
So, why does this all happen? Some specialists claim such harmful behavior is caused by a deep integration of technologies and social media. Today, we are free to meet anyone from every corner of the earth. People have become much more accessible and we no longer have to spend days and years to find someone. On the other hand, despite people are getting closer in the media space, their personalities seem to be neglected. “I can find another one girl on Tinder in an hour and she can do the same, so why on earth should I explain?” Well, it may be acceptable for you, but not for others. In our age, people are still people, not the pictures on the screen.